it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
