Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
