um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
