I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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