Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
