Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
