I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
