Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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