I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
