Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
