This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
