Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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