I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
