So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
