just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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