Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
