i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
