The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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