Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
