I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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