she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
