He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
