We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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