the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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