He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
