dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
