Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
