he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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