i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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