yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
