i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
