woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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