Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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