So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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