hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize