When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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