well you can't waste a boner
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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