i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize