and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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