She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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