I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Dignity is for republicans.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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