do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
