I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
