I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
