I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
