i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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