forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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