Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
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There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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