guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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