she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
