When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It was confusing and full of hummus
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO