i can't believe i had my finger in that
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
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Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough