I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.