I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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