Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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