The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Boobs speak an international language.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
