we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
