Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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