mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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