my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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