Got a toothbrush?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
