"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
