I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
