I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
