i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You left your phone here
Wait...
His nipple licking is glorious
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