Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
