areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
