I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
