Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
