i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
