perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
