i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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