Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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