i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
