So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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