I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize