i just had sex bonerless
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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