I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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