ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
