Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
