Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
